MY POETRY
VIDEO AND POEMS
Poems
Garden of Gaia
Sweet poetic sounds,From the Garden of Gaia,Where love and peace,Is the messiah,Just as nature intended,The journey of content,No room for anger,No need to repent,Angels softly singing,To melodies unknown,In the Garden of Gaia,Nature’s home,Butterflies fluttering,On the calmest of winds,Flora and Fauna live as one,Eternity never ends, never begins,Soft smoke rises from the surrounding hills,The lake of serenity calmly flows,The air above so cleanly fragile,And ground so soft below,We have already found peace,We just have to look,A place where happiness lives forever,And our senses shook,In the Garden of Gaia,Our souls on lease,In the Garden of Gaia,We are at one, in peace. Wrote on 18/08/2021
Poems
Cry With Me (3am Radio)
I sit here late at night,And try with all my might,To stop tears rolling down my face,I’m just in an unhappy face,Listening to the radio,And as the music plays, I let go,I cry for the entire song,All three minutes and twenty seconds long,Oh Mr. Singer set me free,Please let me be,Cry with me,The tears just keep rolling,I can feel your pain,Your lyrics speak to me,And I don’t even know your name,Cry with me,Oh your beautiful voice,Beating in my ears,Oh we are the same,We shed the same tears,Cry with me,She left me Yesterday,For my best friend,And as I write my letter,And face my end,I can see you in the corner,Playing just for me,Oh Mr. Singer set me free,Please let me be,Cry with me,The tears just keep rolling,I can feel your pain,Your lyrics speak to me,And I don’t even know your name,Cry with me,Oh your beautiful voice,Beating in my ears,Oh we are the same,We shed the same tears,Cry with me,Cry with me,Cry with me. Wrote on 06/07/2018
Poems
Fighting On My Own
I need to tell you something,But I just don’t know how,You make me so happy,But I am really struggling with life right now,You said I can tell you anything,But I’m too scared to,As I don’t want you realise how damaged I am,And for me to lose you,You agreed to marry me,And now you are my wife,But right now my depression,Is cutting through me like a rusty knife,I love you, so much,And I’m just pushing you away,Because when you ask what’s wrong?I just say “nothing, go away”,We made an oath,Through sickness and in health,Yet I’m the one breaking that,By fighting this by myself,I fight everything by myselfI suppose I’ve always had to,But now I’m fighting,Not to lose you,All I want to do is to run and hide,As I’m finding life so hard,I know you would help me through this,If only I dropped my guard,Mental health has tried defeating me so many times,And I have to fight every single day,I will ask for the help that I know you’ll give,Just not today…………… Wrote on 01/09/2018
Poems
Angel
I did my time,Serving in hell,I was a sinner,And so I fell,I dug my grave,And I jumped in,I was prepared to die,For all my sins,Suicide was a certainty,I accepted my fate,I didn’t know how to love,All I knew was hate,It drove me there,My own head,Dying wasn’t a problem,As inside I was already dead,This mean old world,Had swallowed me whole,And all I kept saying,Was “Lord, save my soul”,The devil himself,He tempted me in,Like a sucker I believed,It would help my sin,I asked myself,When will this all stop?As the fire in my hell,Was getting far too hot,I had a damaged mind,And my soul was gone,All this drinking and snorting,Had been going on for far too long,I would cry myself to sleep,And I would wake up screaming,And I could see my own death,When I was dreaming,This mean old world,Had swallowed me whole,And all I kept saying,Was “Lord, save my soul”,But He sent his angel,To save me,I didn’t know what to do,But I was finally free,And as I sit here,With a smile upon my face,I can’t help but remember,That I was in such an awful place,And as tears roll down,My shaking, jittering cheek,I realise just how strong I actually am,And how much they said I was weak,The devil nearly defeated me,In spectacular fashion,But my angel gave me the courage,The fight and the passion,This mean old world,Had swallowed me whole,And all kept saying,Was “Lord, save my soul”,In order to fight your demons,You need the strength of a god,You my angel,Never walked the steps I trod,But you were waiting for me,One way or another,I love you forever and always,My friend, my angel, my lover. Wrote on 31/12/2018
Poems
Failed
Hello doctor, we meet again,Here to talk about my imaginary friend,He won’t leave me alone, just like you,Who to believe, you both say it’s true,You call me crackers, mad and insane,Then pump me full of pills and send me on my way,Spark up a cigarette with me,And tell me how I need to be happy,Tell me how it’s wrong to self-harm,And how many years you worked at the funny farm,Tell me that I’m on the mend,As you sit there pretending to be my friend,Tell me that because of government cutbacks,That the one I trusted has now been sacked,Base your diagnosis on the books you read,You’re keen on the subject, but your soul has yet to bleed,Send me back to the waiting room next to Mad Sam,Who brags about how he could kill a man,He’s fit to work, straight from day release,Stabbing nurses but comes in peace,Sat here in my one bed flat,With just me, a dragon and a talking cat,Trying to stop the voices by banging my head against the wall,Stuck in a predicament, not knowing who to call,I phone for help, but the police arrive,Two cars and a meat wagon, with batons by their side,Stuck in a police cell, waiting to be assessed,My voices getting louder, with me getting more stressed,Hello Sir, we meet again,Tell me about your imaginary friend,Has he been causing you stress today?Have you taken your pills, by the way?Are you suicidal, yes or no?Let me check my notes, then you can go,Sent to the nut house for a week,Where I sit on my bed and weep,I smile, say yes, nod and agree,A pat on the back, then I am free,My mental health now a lot worse,With the policeman who hit me, now reimbursed,I sit on my bed and cry,Asking myself, why, why, why,I walk to a bridge with thoughts in my head,I climb to the top, jump and then I’m dead,The police arrive and a doctor with him,Let me check my notes, this is so unlike him,With another one of us,Who is now dust to dust,Swept under the carpet, for no-one to see,It wasn’t the NHS, but the government who failed me,So let’s all hope and pray,That mental illness doesn’t come your way,Cos no matter how many books you read,They will never understand your needs,And as you laugh and drink your beer,No one will miss or cry or shed a single tear. Wrote on 21/01/2020
Poems
Callum In Wonderland
I’ve felt mad and manic now,For quite a while,But in a world that does nothing but baffle me,I can only sit back and smile,Life feels so strange and weird,It’s a confusing time we live in,And the maddest thing about it all,Is it made more sense to me when I was locked in a loony bin,Right now I feel like I’m Alice,Living in wonderland,Constantly sipping tea with the mad hatter,With everything around me getting out of hand,It’s like I’m on a trip of acid,Quickly going out my mind,Maybe the world has always been crazy,And I’ve just been blind,Everyone is running round like headless chickens,Whilst also doped up on diazepam,I just need some of what you’re on,Not a sniff but the whole gram,I mean like what the actual fuck,Am the only one who is seeing this?Pure hatred and insanity,That is covered up with laughter and bliss,Is the apocalypse coming?Has Jesus shown his face?Is this the beginning of the end?For the much despised human race,Is everyone just enthusiastically ignorant?Or has the world started to go stupid,The people who defend us and make sense of it all,Seem to have all vanished or have been muted,Are we living in a fake world?Like we’re living in a real life Truman show,We live a pauper’s life,But believe we live in a château,I don’t know if I’m just getting old,And I’ve turned into a moaning old bastard,But when I thought I had a grip on life,There seems to be another set of rules to master,I’m too fat and I ache too much,To keep up with the current rat race,So I’m just going to light up another cigarette,Pour a drink and get shit faced,In euphoric ignorance,I’ll be dazed and confused,I’m going to sit back and smile,Whilst my mind recovers from being battered and bruised,Soon I will be drunk,Residing in Earths biggest nut house,And in a few hours when the madness kicks in,Finally, I’ll be like everybody else. Wrote on 18/09/2022
Poems
Captain M.
A whole litre down,With another bottle started,Drinking for my sorrows,As I’m so blue and downhearted,The dark, sweet nectar,Gets easier with every sip,I slowly lose my senses,And slowly lose grip,I see a pirate on the front,And I dream of life at sea,A long way from you,A long way from me,Chorus: Oh captain,Can’t you see I’m blue?Let me be first mate,On the starboard crew,Oh captain,Please don’t let me stray,Send me on a boat,And send me far, far awayI’ve been lost now,For a long, long time,And the reality of me escaping,Is increasingly difficult to find,I’m so lonely,That all I do now is cry,I need advice captain,As I have drunk your bottle dry,Let’s set sail,Onwards to the open sea,Because to be honest,There’s nothing left here for me,Chorus: Oh captain,Can’t you see I’m blue?Let me be first mate,On the starboard crew,Oh captain,Please don’t let me stray,Send me on a boat,And send me far, far awaySend me on a journey,My personal alcohol chauffeur, I don’t care anymore,It’s all becoming a blur,Oh captain,Another bottle I have met,I cry to your tuneAs I see in another sunset,Maybe only in drunken dreams,Will you show your appearance and surprise,And then and only then,Will I finally see the sunrise,Chorus: Oh captain,Can’t you see I’m blue?Let me be first mate,On the starboard crew,Oh captain,Please don’t let me stray,Send me on a boat,And send me far, far away Wrote on 16/10/2021
Poems
Death, The Question
Depression takes a hold of me, yet again,I feel so alone, alcohol my only friend,Quiet all day, waiting till the wife goes to bed,Then I put a knife to my wrists, constant thoughts in my head,No tears, no such thing,Only a smile, madness is king,iPod on, random select,The depressing ones, always the best,I drink, and drink some more,Drown my sadness, like I did two weeks before,Thoughts racing through my head,Am I alive or am I dead,I no longer know,Should I stay or should I go?I dream of death, and how it’ll be,I hear death calling, and death is all I see,I am not scared, only you,The reaper chases me, forever I’m blue,I have met the devil and he asks,Future, present or the past?And all this is all well and good,Maybe I shouldn’t, maybe I should,Half a bottle down, nearly an all-nighter,Smiling and laughing as the noose gets tighter,My blood is pumping, only me I wish to kill,My depression constant, death now the thrill,Bye-bye world, the letter I have wrote,As I’m seconds away from slitting my throat,In this madness I am overwhelmed,Is it life I crave or to death I’m bound,All I want is to end my days,But I am lost in this madness haze,But I stop and ask myself,Too sad, to even cryHow come the only time I feel alive,Is when I truly want to die. Wrote on 29/12/2020
Poems
Drinking For The Past
I’ve come from a world of hurt,And I’ve risen myself from the dirt,But I live with constant bad memories,And my mind likes to remind me,Remind me of my pain,And it’s driving me slightly insane,I just can’t escape that place,Hence why most nights I get shit faced,Each night she goes to sleep,My memories start to creep,I start to feel all numb,As I pour myself a double rum,My mind does nothing but think,Hence why I do nothing but drink,I sit there and I sob,Thinking of the life my mind has robbed,I could have been someone I say,Until I slur them words away,My wife says she will never stop loving me,But I’m convinced she’s just waiting to leave,My wife just wants her husband to hold,But instead my side of the bed gets cold,I’m a drinker’s, drinker’s son,And my soul just wants to run,I’ve searched for years for answers I will never find,I’m stuck in a corner, uptight and unable to unwind,I laugh and I smile all throughout the day,But the mask gets taken off when I’m on my own and locked away,I’m too scared to end my days,Well, I am now anyway,I try to forget everything, as I pour myself another,I guess some of us in life are just meant to suffer. Wrote on 18/05/2019
Poems
Charlie Manson
Retro man, in a camper van,Not as it all seems,On route 66, getting his kicks,Living the American Dream,Writing songs, short and long,With a joint in one hand and a guitar in the other,Hippy by heart, straight from the start,Calling everyone sister and brother,Make no mistake, friendly face,Picking up hitchhikers along the way,Going to be a big star, but not get far,Heading down to Californ-I-A,Songs got rejected, brain infected,Going to start a new revolution,Wanted fame, but not in the game,The world’s one great big institution,Poor girl dies, now we know why,In the hills of Los Angeles,August the 8th, a night full of hate,When the family went on a spree,The books I read, the films I see,A tragedy occurred that’s for sure,Ain’t it bad, ain’t it sad,But the murderer is remembered more.
Poems
Fix
I loved your sweet kiss,And sometimes I just miss,The way I used to feel,When everything was so surreal,I still crave your sweet nectar,But I’m married now and I know better,You made me feel all strong and brave,I think that’s why you I still crave,Up for five days straight, I hardly slept,Running around town, getting myself into debt,My money I used to blitz,On seeing you, you were my fix,Losing track of time, day in, day out,Fighting over you, getting knocked out,Our favourite place was the kitchen,Doing it all night, I’d end up twitching,I had to say goodbye,I had to, otherwise I’d have died,I still don’t know how,But I’m over you now,I miss you, but I don’t want you no more,So don’t you come knocking on my door,You won’t remember my name,But I remember yours….. Cocaine.
Poems
The Man’s Ruin (Poem Collection)
Man's Ruin: Part OneI am a home wrecker,Poisoned apples I leave out,I’m the woman your wife despises,And the one your mummy warned you about,Lives I set out to destroy,With the click of my fingers,I lure men like you in,Turn a saint into a sinner,I am soon to be your mistress,You just don’t know it yet,You have a wife and kids,But them I’ll make you forget,I am a home wrecker,Poison apples I leave out,When I see you coming my way,You had better watch out,With my silky blonde hair,And my high heel shoes,I will lure you into bed,Young man, you haven’t got a clue,With my sweet soft voice,I’ll whisper sweet nothings in your ear,I will take your innocence,And everything you hold dear,I am a home wrecker,Poison apples I leave out,I am the kind and listening stranger,When you are in doubt,Sweet sugar candy lips,I do possess,Along with, dare I say?A perfect rounded set of breasts,I am your deepest desire,You know you secretly want me,But you have to make the choice,Me or your wife and family…..I am a home wrecker,Come and spend the night,I have poison apples,Go on, take a bite. Man's Ruin: Part TwoYoung man you just turned 18,So go get yourself another drink,Chug, chug, chug and keep on chugging,Until you can no longer think,I know I taste horrible,So mix me with something sweet,Just keep on drinking,‘til you no longer feel your feet,Oh I tried telling you,By so many before,The trouble starts,When the first drink is poured,You’re now middle aged,And you drink every day,You don’t see it,But you’re now starting to pay,The demon, Devil drink,Has taken over your life,You just too drunk to see it,Just ask your fleeing wife,Oh I tried telling you,By so many before,The trouble starts,When the first drink is poured,So you’re now divorced,And you have little money to spend,Come and taste my sweet nectar,I’ll be your only friend,Sip out of a little glass,Whilst sat in a darkened room,We can both sit and wallow,In your doom and gloom,Oh I tried telling you,By so many before,The trouble starts,When the first drink is poured,Now you are old and grey,But look older than you are,The booze has taken everything from you,Your wife, your kids, even your car,You are laid up in hospital,Attached to a drip,Alcohol has destroyed your health,But yet, you want another sip,Oh I tried telling you,By so many before,The trouble starts,When the first drink is poured. Man's Ruin: Part ThreeTry it you might like it,Your mate of five years said,Next thing you know,You’re off your freaking head,Buying a gram for yourself,Asking if you made a mistake,But you’re addicted to the buzz,And now there’s no escape,When asked if you’ve done drugs,You used to say “I tried a little dope”Now you can say with great shame…..“I’m addicted to coke”Going out to a pub,To listen to some great tunes,Now you’re dropping E’s,And huffing on balloons,You don’t really care,Where it comes from anymore,Took a dodgy pill,Past out on the club’s toilet floor,When asked if you do drugs,You used to say “Life gives me my thrills”Now you can say with great shame….“I can’t stop popping pills”A few years later,When coke and pills ain’t enough,And drugs have taken over your life,And you fancy going at it rough,You try a little hit,With a needle you haven’t cleaned,You’re on heroin now my boy,No more will you be seen,When asked if you do drugs,You used to say “I don’t try anything that funky”Now you can say with great shame,“I’m a pill popping, cocaine sniffing, heroin taking junkie” Man's Ruin: Part FourGot myself a great deck of cards,The kind you only get once in a lifetime,All that money in front of me,Is only seconds away from being mine,As long as my poker face holds up,I’m going to go far,I will win back all of my wages,And I’m gonna win back my car,I’m going to sing all the way to bank,I’ve only myself to thank,I nearly lost it all,But me, no me, ain’t no fool,I’ll be a rich man in my grave,As fortune favours the brave,I’ve put £10 in the fruity,Waiting for my money to come in,I’ve put £20 in the fruity,Looking for that big old win,I’ve put £50 inside that fruity,Oh, any moment now,I’ve lost all my wages to that fruity,Don’t I feel the idiot now?I’m going to sing all the way to bank,I’ve only myself to thank,I nearly lost it all,But me, no me, ain’t no fool,I’ll be a rich man in my grave,As fortune favours the brave,I once won a pound on a scratch card,I even once won a ton,I don’t really have a problem,I just do it for fun,But now I’m constantly chasing the big wins,As a pound no longer excites,It’s just something to do,On a cold and lonely gamblers night,I’m going to sing all the way to bank,I’ve only myself to thank,I nearly lost it all,But me, no me, ain’t no fool,I’ll be a rich man in my grave,As fortune favours the brave,I’ve lost all of my money,I’ve gambled my life away,But you win some and lose some,And that’s the way I play,And as I roll the dice,But all I want is a six,I end up getting an eight,Oh how this bad luck is starting to get on my wick,I’m going to cry all the way to bank,I’ve only myself to thank,I have lost it all,But me, no me, is a fool,I’ll be a poor man in my grave,As I believed fortune favours the brave. Man's Ruin: Part FiveI’ve spent my life, gambling, drinking, Taking drugs and chasing skirt,I was given the joy of life,But I’ve wound up in the dirt,I had an opportunity, to stop,But I chose to carry on,I die penniless and lonely,And death will not be long,I die with sadness upon my face,No sign of my old grin,I have succumbed to the Devil,And the thing called man’s ruin.
Photos
Musings
Dear life, No matter how hard you try. You will NEVER beat me. You may take everything I care about from me, but I promise you will not destroy me. I am strong even when you convince me that I’m not. My tears may fall, and my blood may spill, but my pen will never! I do not want, nor did I create this war that you force upon me, but I will fight until I experience peace and even then I will keep fighting..... I shall never surrender!!! Yours Sincerely, The Dark Poet
Poems
In A World…
In a world that knows only hate,You have to know only love,In a world full of judges,You need never show judgement,In a world that constantly drags you down,You need to rise above,In a world that calls you weak,You need to stay strong,In a world that demands your tears,You need to show it your smile,In a world where you feel alone,Stand together and unite,In a world that is dark and vengeful,Walk where there is light,Survive this horrible world,And only then will you see the goodness of it,We can’t have perfection,Without paying a certain price for it,We are all in this together,Whether we believe it or not,So keep on surviving,Cos sometimes survival is all we have got,The good things in life,Massively outweigh the bad,So don’t give up,My fellow human….. My comrade.
Videos
Hangman of Combe Gibbet
Recorded by my Wife on her iPhone at Combe Gibbet, Hampshire, RG17 9EL on 26/07/2022
Poems
Don’t Give Up
How much more,Can my soul take,How much more,Until I break,More and more questions,Running round my mind,When I have a joke to tell,They will be on the end of the phone,But when there’s tears in my eyes,Forever I shall be alone,The purpose of life,And how to sustain good mental health,I cannot tell you this,As I don’t know myself,All that I know is,That in this life,When you think you’re wrong,You’re probably right,So stand up tall,When there’s no hope in sight,Drag yourself from the dirt,And stand up and fight,First you feel dizzy,But soon you’ll come round,And just remember,Don’t let the bastards get you down.
Poems
I Have A Human Dream
Once upon a time,We were all one tribe,We all stuck together,In order to survive,We all shared the load,And we all had something to contribute,The strong and the weak both valued,Not one of us mute,But somewhere down the evolution line,I couldn’t tell you when,Some got insecure and protective,And started to judge their once close friend,But our once small tribe,Is now nearly 8 billion strong,And we judge and hate anything that’s different than us,Our morals are all wrong,I’ve listened to racist opinions,And I still don’t understand,That they truly believe this deluded view,And for no real reason, hate their fellow man,Why is racism a real thing?Why do you hate what is not the same?Why do you condemn a living human?Just because of their skin colour or name?We all struggle,We all bleed,And acceptance instead of hate,Is what we all need,We are all so different,We are all so unique,But every damn human,Deserves a right to speak,We don’t need to go to war,We don’t need all this stress,So just treat everyone equal,And let’s move on from this mess,I will never judge a man,By the colour of his skin,But I will judge a man,Based on the kindness he has within,Life is hard,No matter who you are,And if you fight on your own,You will not get very far,But if we all help each other out,And we stand together and unite,None of us will struggle as much,And we can potentially win the fight,All 8 billion of us,Has something to bring to the table,We can all be happy,Just as soon as we remove that label,So fuck racism!!It’s an unnecessary bullshit form of hate,So don’t be judgemental or a racist,And learn to communicate,No one can change the past,But we can leave that shit behind,Let’s all stand together,For the sake of humankind.
Poems
Depression’s Bliss
My eyes are fading,Blurred landscapes in the morn,My heart is aching,My emotions are all torn,I see a great darkness ahead of me,A future so bleak,I may feel like this today,But I have felt like it all week,A drink slowly disappearing in my hand,My motivation is near none,Wearing the same clothes,Since last yesterday’s setting sun,My mind not making much sense, At least not to me,Depression taken over,For all my shadows to see,I’m getting mixed messages,From my nightmares and my dreams,Do I attack or retreat,Nothing no more is what it seems,I’ve fallen into a black hole,And straight into an abyss,Food is a necessity no more,But something I will try to miss,I have been in in this place,Many, many times before,And as I try to plea for my escape,It’s my self-hatred that begs for more,I get angry on a daily basis,Crazier than a cuckoo clock,Fearing the results of a burst of anger,With the drink making my inhibitions stop,Stuck between two worlds,Both fighting for my mind,Both with great armies,Who wins is just a matter of time,My medication,No longer taking affect,It’s like masturbating fear,With a penis half erect,It feels like months has passed,Since I last saw sense,Am I going to die or not,I cannot take this suspense,I rest my tired eyes and go to sleep,Eventually that is,And I look forward to another day,Of depression’s bliss.
Poems
Hangman Of Combe Gibbet
I’m a man,Or so they say,But I’ve been at war since the day I was born,And I surrendered earlier today,I can’t take anymore,It’s far too much to bear,I was fighting for a cause,Which is no longer there,Everything comes to an end,And mine is now,My journey has to finish,And the executioner knows how,Hangman, dear hangman,Gate keeper to the other side,I want a trip to non-existence,And I want you to be my guide,Please don’t draw a crowd,I’m not good with people anyway,And I don’t really want to wait,So please, can you fit me in today,I’ve tried taking pills,Too much of a coward for my wrists,So please put a noose around my neck,Cos I no longer want to exist,Life is way too difficult,Too hard for me,So I’m checking out of here,Only then will I be free,I hope there isn’t a heaven waiting,Cos I couldn’t do all this again,Life is too much of a struggle for me,Stress round every bend,I don’t want anyone to grieve,I don’t want tears to fall,I want to be forgotten,So string me up and kick the stool,I wouldn’t mind the pain from the hanging,It’s just the waiting around,I eager for it to be my turn,I need to be free and peace needs to be found,I do hope that I am able,To hear my neck snap,Cos only then I will know,I’m free from this trap,I do hope it’s quick though,I’ve no time to wait,The angel of death is at hand,And I don’t wait to make her wait,For once I’ll be free,Swinging in the breeze,Lifeless with a smile on my face,So hurry up and hang me please,I don’t care about pride,I’ve admitted defeat,My enemy was greater than me,And now the cycle is complete,The world is such an ugly place,But ironically now I can see so far,And it was only in the final moments of my life,That I saw how beautiful you are,Thank you dear hangman,For releasing me from torment,I have found inner peace,Even If it was only for a moment.
Poems
Depression Blue’s
Tears roll down my face,As my depression gets me again,I hate it so much,But sadly it is my friend,I’m not stupid,I know my head is messed up and wrong,Maybe I am blinded by it,But then again, it’s been happening for so long,I look for the negatives,In everything that happens to me,I have a brilliant life with them,But I just can’t see,I naturally put myself down,I’m so damaged and I know it, I’m scared of everything,But not being able to show it,Every morning I wake up,And I put on my mask,But I wonder, how long this façade,Is actually going to last,I’m so vulnerable,I don’t like life at all,So I act the hard nut,And I act the fool,I don’t know why,But my brain is just impaired,But to be honest,I’m just scared,I hate life,And how it treats me,I really don’t want to be here,But I’m scared of being set free,I can’t snap out of it,It’s the only way I know how to feel,Depression and schizophrenia,Make everything I face, nasty and surreal,I try to fit in,I try to make friends,But I know they dislike me,Because of the messages I send,I’m sorry for being like this,I really can’t help it,I know none of you want me around,And it makes me feel like shit,None of you realise,As you live from day to day,That I feel like a burden,And that I’m only in the way,I’m very fragile,And I shouldn’t be,I want to look after them,But they’re the ones looking after me,I’m a fucking liability,And trust me I know,And I wouldn’t blame them,If they wanted me to go,I just want to be needed,Someone who they can count on,Instead of some weirdo,That just tags along,I feel so insignificant,And like I don’t exist,I just want to be normal,And that is why I feel like this,I cry some more,As the razor calls my name,I’m not looking for sympathy,I do it because I deserve the pain,I’ve got so used to feeling like this,This is the only way I know,This depression is killing me,As even when I’m flying high, I’m still pretty low,I know I’ve let them all down,I know they are all ashamed,I know I’m not normal,And I know I’m not the same,I can’t help feeling like this,Every day I feel blue,And all I want out of life,Is to be like you.
Poems
Darkness
Welcome sweet darkness,Yet again we meet,You laugh at my pain,As I crawl at your feet,We shake hands in allianceAs you offer nothing but pain,But I keep coming back,Time and time again,Sweet, Sweet Sorrow,Pain and hurt,Convincing myself,This is what I deserve,Make me cry,Make me blue,You lead the way,As I shall follow you,Trapped in my mind,Following your illusion,I invite you in,Into my intrusion,Welcome sweet darkness,Yet again we shall meet,As you laugh at my pain,And as I crawl at your feet.
Poems
Dark Place
I walk down this empty road,With a crucifix upon my back,Through the lions and the tigers,Ready for the attack,The sounds of the drums are beating,As I walk into the unknown,Not knowing where I am heading,And all I want to do is go home,The vultures circling overhead,The wolves are at my door,With the devil snapping at my heels,Just like it was before,I try to stay strong,Even with tears streaming down my face,I am nowhere on the map,I am in my dark place,It has no forgiveness,It offers only pain,And it brings you in,Time and time again,I scream at the top of my voice,Someone please help me,But no one hears my troubles,The worlds to goddamn busy,I’ve seen this dark place,For most of my days,And all I want,Is for my troubles to go away,As I fall deeper and deeper,Into the bowels of my own personal hell,I may have to fight every single day,But this, my story, I tell.
Poems
Alien
I feel so different,I’m an alien scared you’ll all notice me,So I hide in the darkest of rooms,Hoping nobody sees,I can’t trust anything living,But also can’t trust my own mind,My home planet will send assistance,It’s only a matter of time,I don’t know how me being here,Actually came to be,But this crazy ass planet,Was most certainly not meant for me,If you know how to contact the mothership,Then please send them an S.O.S.,Let them beam me up,Cos I need time to rest,I won’t tell them your plans,I promise we won’t invade,I just need to escape Earth,This planet like masquerade,I look at stars and watch the x-files,Hoping I recognise or remember,Cos for the crown of the craziest and most doolally planet,Earth is seriously a strong contender,I do come in peace,I just need to get back home,Cos the more I stay down here,I’m catching more of this homo sapien syndrome,I don’t know if I have to take a trip,All the way to Roswell,But I will gladly do it,If it means I escape this place of hell,My anatomy is the virtually the same as yours,But my mind certainly is not,And I’ve been down here so long,That my home planet I have virtually forgot,I’m not the older generation,Nor am I some kind of millennial,I’m just an alien trying to get back home,A lost but not yet found extra-terrestrial,I’ve tried riding a push bike,And flying towards the moon,But I got sectioned and drug tested,All in one single afternoon,I have no time to waste anymore,I need to get back to my planet quick,Cos the more I say I’m an alien,The more people think I’m a lunatic,I don’t want to be tested on,Or have my asshole examined,Or locked up in a cage,Threatened with starvation and famine,So please ding a ling a ling,On your magical banjo,And whilst I’m packing my backs,Please keep an eye out for a U.F.O.,Cos as soon as they realise,And try to make contact,I’m 100% out of here,This alien is going back.