MY POETRY
VIDEO AND POEMS
Photos
Photos
Videos
Money At Midnight By Jus-J (And your Favourite Poet haha)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9l8DJGH7Po&list=FLCnCP1yyTofzydAadATDIsQ A very good friend of mine Josh is an outstanding Rapper who has so much talent it's unreal..... This is the first of many future collaborations with me and him.Check him out (You won't be disappointed): (19) jus-J - YouTube
Poems
The River’s Flow
River stop,River go, Receiving bliss,From the river’s flow,The trickle of the stream,A poet’s dream,Progression that’s always moving,The sound of the river, so very soothing,Reflections of the sun,Bouncing of its mirrored face,River, Oh Sweet River,Sending me to my happy place,River stop,River go,Receiving bliss,From the river’s flow,With the trickle of kaleidoscopic dreams,From the beginning to the end,Life and death, but not as it seems,With the reeds whistling on the wind,And the clouds drifting high above,The river’s flow,Makes me fall in love,River stop,River go,Receiving bliss,From the rivers flow,The trees that watch,Looming over from their perch on the bank,A coot bobbing for food,Dinner at 5 and The River he thanks,And as I sit here watching,Briefly resting in my search for peace,And I find it,If only brief,So River stop,River flow,Forever receiving bliss,From the River’s Flow. Wrote on: 06/08/2024
Musings
I Hate Racism!!!
Racism is the most accepted form of hate and it’s absolutely disgusting and 100% not needed in this world. We are all in this together and the sooner racism is no longer a thing the better, and the sooner we can sort the mess out that we, as a species, have caused to this beautiful planet and to ourselves. Racism and all other types of selective group judgement like homophobia, Transphobia etc. could all be sorted if we focus on what makes us similar rather than what differentiates us. We are ALL Homo Sapiens AKA Human Beings and no matter what your life is like we ALL struggle. ---------------------------------------------- “I will never judge a man,Based on the colour of his skin,But I will judge a man,Based on the kindness he has within”Taken from my poem "I Have A Human Dream"
Poems
The Oblivion Ruin of Depression
I woke up half way through the night,Covered in crisp pieces, emptiness and fag ash,I saw the broken flickering lights from the TV in the dark,And my flat covered in trash,I drank the dregs of yesterday’s beer,Oh, and don’t worry I didn’t swallow the fag butt this time,I pull my dishevelled body up to a seated position,Mount depression being the hardest mountain to climb,I breathe in,Oxygen being one of the very few things I can actually afford,I roll myself a rollie and spark up,A small dose of addicted death being my reward.I look at all the things I have to do today,And work out how many I can actually ignore,I make up some lame ass excuse,Hit send, then drop my phone to the floor,I manage a small broken smirk,As tiny tears of pain travel down the ingrained rivulets of my face,With no knowledge or interest of the time or even what day it is,I drift back into the sleepy place,With another day I woke up,And another day that I wish I didn’t,I rest in sleepy slumber,Life and death being a daily intermittent,And yes, I know it’s only a depression spell,And I will hopefully be out of it soon,But when you aim for the stars,You gotta be prepared to land on the moon,And talking of the moon,The slaughtered sheep are jumping over it now,So I’ll see you on the flipside,Maybe…… somehow,My words to the dictator of depression,My words to the keeper of sleep,I ask of you to take me away and take control,As I am too broken and too weak,Please take me far away from this land,To a place that is neither land nor sea,Take me far, far away,Far away from everything that is me. Wrote in the early hours of 17/07/2024
Photos
Poems
My Life That Shall Be Mine
I was once under the spell of being the same,I was once caged and yet I was convinced I was free,And with my mind, gas lighted, I followed the herd,I was myself but never was I me,I plodded along thinking society’s thoughts,My voice speaking only their words,I was lost in the everyday chaos we call life,A numerical machine marching to beat of the absurd,My footsteps followed my predecessors,My path was already paved,I was convinced I was in control of my own life,But in reality I was society’s slave,I went to school to learn nothing,I wanted money cos it’s what they said I needed,I craved acceptance more than the air itself,And I thought I was winning when I had already been defeated,I ate the poisonous pesticides that smothered my food,I drank the water full of chemicals to hydrate me,I swallowed the synthetic pills that they prescribed,And now I hobble like an old man and yet I am only 33,I was under the melodic spell of my oppressor,One of which no one could save me from,But one day my saviour reached out to me,And that day I listened to a different song,The birds and the bees,The rustling sound of the trees,The rivers and the seas,They all sang a song of freedom for me,“Know who you are Callum,You are not a number, statistic or a name,You are a living thing,And your life you must claim,Be free and escape their control,And walk freely on this earth as intended,Don’t walk the path that was put in place for you,Make your own decisions and not one that was forced or recommended,The earth will give to you,What you give to it,It will always provide and look after you,And even when you see only darkness you’re path shall be lit,Face your fears with strengthAnd free the space in your mind,Trust in us and trust in yourself,Be courteous, cautious and kind,Float freely like the clouds,And listen to water with a sound that is true,Be at one with the flora and fauna,And they shall be at one with you,Take only what you need,And replace what you can,Live a life that was meant to be yours,Be true like a real animal and not false like man”,I listened to the words of this song,Sung to me by everything that wasn’t my own,I thought long and hard about the lyrics,And asked am I a man of flesh or a man of steel and stone?I started to question everything,Including the value of my worth and what I am,No more shall I follow the flock or shepherd,No more being part of the herd, mutton or lamb,And like they said in the song,The only way I can escape is to find nature again,In order to be at peace with myself,I need flora, fauna and the elements to be my friend,And cos I want my life to be my own,And I don’t want society to make me self-destruct,And I will do anything to be set free,I woke up today and I went and feed the pigeons and the ducks…… Wrote on: 20/06/2024
Poems
Pitchforks At The Ready
Schizophrenia straight from hell,A madman’s curse,I may be little bit crazy,But the people who are classed as “sane” are a darn sight worse,The media and the clueless,Tell tall tales of witchery,Convincing common folk that my kind are monsters,Making up horror stories filled with fear and mystery,With no care to think for themselves,They turned against what they refused to understand,And it was common practice to hurt, hunt and kill,The big, bad, evil crazy man,So, lock me up like a rabid dog,You know you want too,And if you torture me enough,I might even bark for you,Grab your pitchforks,And hunt me down for sport,Hang me for a crime that has no meaning,And shout offensive profanities, as I beg for my life in the town centre court,March me to the gallows,And let the whole town watch me swing,Have a jester dance and tell jokes,And get the local minstrel’s to sing,Burn me at the stake,They’ll be able to smell the madness for miles,Or just simply chuck me off a cliff,Cos the fact I didn’t fly back up will bring smiles,Lock me up forever in an asylum,Whilst you do inhumane experiments on me,Call me evil, twisted and wicked,And all cos you can’t see what I see,Or run electric through my brain,And lock me in a darkened room,Give me deadly injections and lobotomies,Cos I’m sure you’ll find a cure for "The Problem" soon,Pump me full of untested medication,The kind you won’t even give to the rats,Cos remember you discovered a cure for the wind changing,Well done you…. Seriously mate… congrats,Parade me through the town,In shackles and chains,And chuck rotten vegetables at me,Cos I am half a human with a demented animal brain,Make films about us,But make us all look like murderous psychotics,Or use us as scape goats,So your government can supply the people with their narcotics,Or you can pretend that you actually give a fuck,But then judge us more than you have ever done,Whack us on benefits yet call us a burden,Acceptance level...... still at none,To be honest, it doesn’t really matter what you do,Cos you have already made up your minds about me,And the irony is that although I have demons in my head,You are the only devils that I see……. Date written: Unknown (Summer of 2023)
Poems
The Epiphany of What We Are
As I rested at the root of a tree,I allowed my mind to escape with the breeze of the leaves,My eyes started to become open,And then I was finally allowed to see,Realisation come crashing down,And the meaning of my existence shown to me like words of a script,An epiphany before my very eyes,Enlightenment hit like a ton of bricks,We have all been taking,When we should actually be giving,We also are barely existing,When we should all be living,We have lost track of who we are,We are lost and confused,We followed the shepherd down a treacherous road,When in fact there was never even a path for us to choose,We are simply just animals,Floating around in a reality that we actually know nothing about,We do nothing but bark and squawk for answers,When instead we should just open our ears and fade out,We are part of this rhythm,A vibration known to us as life,We know nothing to be certain,Doing nothing but guesswork whilst balancing on the edge of a knife,We are completely real,But also entirely fictitious at the same time,We are only what we perceive,Madness and reality both yours and mine,And by hook or by crook,Like the ravens and the rooks,We all try to survive,And we all pretend we know what it’s like to be alive,But we are floating on a calm breeze,Whilst also trapped in a storm,And entire universe of perceptive reality,That was created the moment we were born,We are the flame of the fire,The chaos and the destruction,We are only the stories we tell,We are the middle, the end and even the introduction,We are the words and we are the sounds,And we are the air that we breathe,We are the reason to stay,And the reason to leave,We are all but a dream,A lost mirage,Atoms travelling round in random and sporadic directions,Like the sun, the moon and the stars,We are all the same,Vital but also null and void,We are the thing that repaired,And we are the thing that destroyed,We are Mother Nature,And we are father time,Doing 9-5 cos the fake is real,Escaping in lyric and rhyme,I myself,Am just an illusion form all of life’s confusion,To an eyes that blind,I am an optical intrusion,So existing is merely just a feeling,To which was given to us as a gift,And even though our subconscious minds are grateful,That gratitude is starting to drift,To find ourselves again,To understand what we are,You need to ask questions but not care for the answers,Let your mind be open and free to travel far,This epiphany I had, was a lot for me to take in,Like you, I found hard to comprehend or to believe,But if truly you want to understand it all,You just simply have to breathe..... Wrote on: 29/05/2024
Poems
The Demons In The Dark
I rest my eyes,I try to sleep,But the demons always follow me,And in my dreams they creep,Pain and punishment,Is all I’ve ever really known,I try to get better each and every day,But the demons will always call my mind their home,So in the darkness,My head will always be,They will make sure of it,By confusing my thoughts and blinding everything I see,My friends and family don’t understand,So I push them all away,I’m used to fighting the devil in the darkness alone,And the darkness is where I’ll always stay,I did try to get help though,But their advice only comes from books,They will never be able to fully understand the terror I face,Those medical helpers/The pharmaceutical crooks,I sit in the middle of the room,Completely lost in demonic thought,The evil and madness slithers all around me,My attention and focus has been caught,The screams that I hear,That forever frightens my ear,Have now actually become a comfort to me,Sanity and logic being nowhere near,The demons forever talk to me,Which is more than what you lot are actually willing to do,Friends from fear…… huh…… who knew,I do still manage to life my life quite well though,I only cut myself every now and again,And I barely notice the blood anymore,But then again I suppose I have been cutting since I was ten,No one really notices I have schizophrenia,Unless I talk about it of course,I just quietly sit in the corner pretending to be normal,Whilst my head swims around in a concoction of mental health Bolognese sauce,It’s quite funny but the demons actually give me the want and the reason to try and repair,And not give up and too fight,It helps me stay strong in this messed up world,So I suppose…. from the darkness there comes light,Schizophrenia,Such a feared word,I am neither the devil nor his advocate,Your knowledge, although very little I can guarantee you, is blurred,I do not practice witchcraft or ruin your crops,And the only person to fear the evil in my head is me,But at least when you burn me at the stake,The demons might finally set this tortured boy free. Wrote on: 31/05/2024
Poems
Life’s Journey: I Am The Ocean & The Air Itself
Travelling like moisture in the air,Lost in the currents of the wind,Taken as a droplet from the ocean,Unique as a singular, but completely obsolete as a part of everything,The flow of life took me from everything I once knew,Made my existence both essential yet pointless,It took control of all my being,And stole away from me my choices,As the winds slowly defined me,And with all my senses forever trapped in the absolutions of time,My soul had vanished,And reality and even my life was no longer mine,I became the air itself,Travelling on a Jetstream through the atmosphere of space,I was nowhere but I was also everywhere,Like a prisoner of solitude with emptiness for a face,And now,As I stand not even a memory that serves long or short,To me, my journey was my all,But in the grand scheme of things, I wasn’t even a second thought,So in my experience of being part of what was real,Bitterness to me, tasted ever so sweet,For I was born, I lived and I even died,My journey…… now complete. Wrote on: 17/05/2024
Poems
The Pigeon
Losing who I am, I walk and I wonder,And as I lose the track of time with the madness of everyday,I ask my mind if it’s me or if it’s the world that surrounds,Our reality lost so madness can come out and play,I ask myself am I human or am I beast,Am I spirit, life, death or am I even real,And as I stop to feed the pigeons,A brief glimpse of what I have questioned is revealed,The moon watches our dreams,As we travel to the other realms,The sun burning our backs as we toil the fields,The heat of life so powerful that it overwhelms,The wind rustles in the air,So the trees can chitter and chatter with their leaves,The ground shakes from the footsteps of the beasts,Primal innocence, still yet to be stolen by the technological thieves,The seas crash against the beaches, the cliffs and the stones,Dominating and unforgiving,No mercy for us humans,For we are alive, but not really living,The rains fall down to wash away all the sin,Too birth fresh and new,Nature’s plan, powerful and all knowing,That is undefiable, undeniable, but also imaginary and only in the minds of me and you,Harmony, which around it once was,But chaos now the forever norm,Nature not knowing what to do now,But soon cometh the storm,We have just simply lost our way in this world,The money and power took control,We ignore our primal being,Whilst convincing ourselves it’ll be ok cos we created the idea of a soul,We condemn the idea of death,When death is just as important as life,The spirit of nature begs for us to understand,But the our lost ways are contagious and rife,We live a life that was not destined for us,We strayed far from the path,And as we walk further away yet beg to find our way back,Our tears of desperation fall, but we also mock and laugh,So the pigeons approach with caution,Dark times can come for them just by association,The simple pleasures of manmade feed,As we take photos of the story but tell lies with narration.So if you do lose your mind to madness,And if money and power makes your ambition it’s home,Then so be it, you poor forgetful primal beast,Cos the only life we can trade to the modern….. Is our own,The pigeon will still eat,And the pigeon will still fly,Cos the pigeon does not question what it is,That luxury is only for you and I……Wrote on: 13/05/20204
Poems
Always
When I wake up with tears in my eyes, I survive,When my head screams that I am worthless, I survive,When I feel like there is no hope, I survive,When I scream and beg for it all to stop, I survive,When no one will answer that phone, I survive,When I am lost, scared and alone, I survive,And even though I don’t know why I want to……. I always will.I was born alone and I’ll die alone,And even if sanity does not call my mind it’s home,If the skies and seas that I travel,Are in fact just mud, dirt and gravel,If reality is not mine,Then I will not waste my time,Focusing on what I do not know,Cos my existence is too precious to throw,The birds and the bees,The sun and seas,They fought me,But they also thought me,That life ain’t for the weak,And if you want a voice you have to speak,Courage comes from fear,Strength from weakness,Gain from loss,And hope from bleakness,Cos when I am at my lowest,That is when I shall thrive,Life you will never beat me,Cos guess what motherfucker….. I will ALWAYS survive!!!!!Wrote on the morning of 09/05/2024 after 20 minutes of crying which started the moment I woke up. We Gotta Keep On Keeping On.... I've got this..... You've Got This....... Stay Strong Party People!!!
Musings
Poems
Dust
I’m a ghost in my mind,Lost in all the confusion,I float on the waves of darkness,Before crashing into the rocks of delusion,I’m gone with the wind,Singing the songs that only isolation can hear,Warmed by the fires of nothing,And made cold by a single broken tear,Reality not being mine to possess,Made crazy by my own thoughts of self-hate,Constantly punishing myself until I snap,Believing in recovery but constantly wondering in the darkness being my fate,Tablets forced down my gullet,To mend my broken mind,A disastrous chemical imbalance,Which masked the so called peace that was stolen from my limited time,I’m a perfect cocktail of the times,Medical ruin and generational trauma,Not feeling one with my so called own,And separated from all walks of flora and fauna,A lost soul who has no soul,With a heart that beats to which I cannot feel,My only being, being broken thoughts,Trapped in a shell called a body which perceives as real,I am the death and I am the dust,The ashes and the air,But I’m also neither, either and none,A mirage of atoms that ain’t really there,I was abandoned by reality,Only being allowed to be born so I could die, With certainty itself being completely uncertain,Life and death both a lie,The fear, panic and pain,Needed a place to call home,Put into an embodiment that is called me,Never to settle but forever to roam,I was imprisoned by an atmosphere too far gone,Forever locked away in the cellars of the non-existent,Segregated into my own which is none,Floating on an island on a cloud both far and distant, I try to use logic,But logic itself is illogical,And when I talk of the broken thoughts that plagues my mind,I’m considered weird, crazy or a fool,So if I’m honest, I know not of who I am,Whether my reality is even true,I know nothing of anything or anything of nothing,I just know I’m not like any of you. Wrote on: 01/05/2024
Musings
Musings
Poems
HMP of Self Hate
I don’t know what my future brings,Whether it be good or bad,But either way I await eagerly,Cos if I didn’t, I’d be mad,I’ve done a lot of thinking lately,And I’ve really focussed on what kind of man I am,I asked myself “Why am I forever stuck in the darkness”And why I convince myself I will forever be damned,But the answers that I received back,Came as a surprise to me,My sentence in the prison of self-hate now has a potential end,And one day freedom I might actually be allowed to see,I still don’t know when I will be allowed out,I just know that my realise is now actually a potential,Cos apparently my sentence is being cut short,Cos my punishment was more than substantial,For what I thought would be a lifetime of pain,For a man rotten to his core,Was just a time out for a good man who just simply made mistakes,And my prison time need not go on for much more,So I await my eventual release,From the HMP of Self Hate,To which I have been granted,Cos I done the punishment, but I also decided to learn and educate,So if I can,I shall share with you what my time inside has taught me,And I do hope you listen,Cos once you enter the walls of that hell hole it’s hard to be set free,We have all have challenges and we all have made mistakes,But it doesn’t define who we are,And as long as we own it and learn from it,We need not serve time and shall only see the HMP of Self hate from a far,So allow yourselves to repair,And realise the demands from the demons in our heads we need not adhere,Cos as soon as I get the key to my cell,I’m getting the fuck outta here!!! Wrote on: 30/03/2024
Musings
Musings
Videos
Open Mic Night on 05/03/2024 at The Railway Inn, Winchester.
I was very anxious and was fighting off a panic attack for over an hour so I had some Dutch courage but cos of the diabetes and breathing heavy for so long the alcohol hit me a bit hard. I hope I didn't slur too much. Poems: 1) Cake 2) Purgatory On My Sofa 3) What Do I Want From This Life